In 2013 I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a double mastectomy and then some complications in healing (the suture stitches broke open on both sides.) I often have people say "Oh, I'm so sorry." when I talk about this but really that year was one of the best of my life. The cancer was caught early; the edges were clean; there was no cancer in my lymph nodes; it was a slow growing kind of cancer; I didn't have to have chemotherapy or radiation; I was extremely fortunate in my doctors. My friends came from everywhere to love and support me. I had time to just heal and a respite from the normal burdens of life.
One of the best things was that I kept a blog that 150 of my friends followed. I had a chance to talk about the whole experience, honestly, to an audience who wanted to read what I had to say.
But after the most immediate parts of the healing process were completed I found myself coping with a whole list of "back to my life" issues including some new health challenges... that I didn't really want to talk about publicly. Healing from cancer is an easy topic. Struggling to lose weight, bring down my blood pressure, exercise when I don't like to and don't want to, changing my diet because my pre-surgery blood work revealed I am type 2 diabetic, finding out just how much I am a stress eater who reaches for carbohydrates and sugars to cope with stress (not good at all for diabetes which is all to invisible and easy to forget), dealing with depression, and poverty ....these are not as easy to cope with as just healing from surgery. Having to re-start my business, struggling to make enough to live on, being scared to death about finances... these are not so easy to talk about publicly.
But I still want to talk about them. So I have created this blog in which to speak. I'm not going to let my 150 friends know this is here. Many of them are also business colleagues or clients and I am afraid to let them know how scared I am about life much of the time or how debilitating living with fear can be.
When I came across this picture of the blue room it just suddenly "looked" like the place I live much of the time inside myself. A stunning blue but very stark and I sometimes can't get to the window to see out.
So I thought I would start here. If you find this blog and want to follow... you are welcome. But I don't plan to tell you my name.
Love from the Blue Room
No comments:
Post a Comment